Letting Go and Healing

I've been working very hard lately with my surgeon, boyfriend, counselor, friends and family to let go of my negative feelings and look positively towards the future and the great things coming our way. I read today that "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." ~Alexander Graham Bell~

I refuse to miss my open door. Things have been going so well for us lately. My surgery is scheduled, Kevin started a wonderful new job not too far from our home, my productivity at work has increased exponentially, the list goes on and on.

Though we are facing many troubles as well, I will not allow outside evil-doers to affect my personal healing and the growth of our relationship. We have grown so much closer these last few months. We have been discussing marriage, children, and the fact that we are both certain we are soulmates and meant to spend the rest of our lives together. He sent me gorgeous flowers with a poem, written by his own hand, while I was taking care of him after surgery. These are the things I focus on and remove the negative bitterness I have for his ex from my mind.

It is very hard to not allow her malicious and vindictive actions to hurt me, but it's almost been three years now. She's obviously incapable of growing, learning, and changing and at this point I have come to grips with that. She will always be an immature, selfish, self serving, mentally unstable, delusional, dishonest, vein, hideous inside and out, just a monster. I feel she is channeling the devil and needs an exorcism. This will never happen, so I will never allow her attempts to hurt me, Kevin, their child (whether intentionally or not) or our relationship again. A single defeat is not a final defeat. If she had only acted like a mature 35 year old woman and come to us and said hey, Chuck is getting a job in California and we want to move, how do we work this out. We would have done almost anything to accommodate them. We would have even considered relocating.

In the beginning, if she had come to me and said she was still in love with Kevin and wanted to reconcile with him, I would have GLADLY walked away. But instead she did what she does best, lie, deceive, manipulate, and play mind games with everyone involved, including their son.

That is the part that hurts me the deepest. The fact that Dominic has been thrown into the middle of her treachery and the damage will never be undone. How she thinks that moving him across the country away from his loving and caring, involved father is the best decision for HIM...well, let's get real here. The woman is selfish, and delusional. Just to clarify here that I'm not just name calling, I truly feel she is clinically delusional.

Definition of delusional: "A delusion is a false belief held with absolute conviction despite superior evidence.^[1] Unlike hallucinations, delusions are always pathological (the result of an illness or illness process).^[1] As a pathology, it is distinct from a belief based on false or incomplete information, dogma, poor memory, illusion, or other effects of perception."

So, would brainwashing your child into thinking that his loving and caring father is abusive because you are still in love with him and want him removed from your life delusional? Is lying in emails saying the child has been on level in school in prior years, when we have report cards and emails from her stating that he is behind in reading and math and may fail delusional? After child protective services does a thorough investigation of her false, slanderous, malicious and exaggerated  accusations and finds them to be totally unfounded and untrue and closes the case and she STILL wants to bring up allegations of abuse delusional? Is saying you have your child's best interests at heart but moved his school three times in less than three years while he is failing miserably and then plan to uproot him and move him across the country in the middle of the year, away from his father and family delusional? Is marrying a man for money and the opportunity to sit on your ever widening butt and mooch off yet another poor unsuspecting soul so you can pop out another child at almost 40 and pretend being a stay at home mom of a school aged child is a full time job delusional? How about this, blogging that your ex ruined your credit when you came into your marriage with $32,000 of debt, were being evicted from your apartment, your car was about to be repossessed, and he paid it all off for you delusional? Claiming you always worked full time when in actuality you worked for about two years of your entire 6 year marriage delusional? I know, saying you are a self made woman when the car you drive he bought you, the student loans you paid off with the $40,000 he gave you when he sold HIS home that you paid nothing towards, that's definitely not delusional. She needs to be submitted for psychiatric evaluation and put on medication.

Anywho.....she has sewn her seeds of evil and nothing will grow from her garden of doom other than poison and hurt. She has no one to blame but herself. We got the Guardian Ad Litem we'd been so desperately requesting, and I know now that all of her lies and manipulations will come to the surface and she will be seen for what she really is.

On the plus side, I am preparing mentally and physically for my spinal reconstruction on January 19. I am afraid, apprehensive, excited, and relieved all at the same time. This is on the level of open heart surgery or brain surgery, but I am not going to allow myself to think about those things and psych myself out of the operation for a third time. I have been postponing this since I was 14, and it's time. I am at my prime, I am in the best physical condition I've been in since high school and mentally am ready this time.

I have almost full control of all operations within my companies, yes I actually manage 3 corporations full time and two others part time, and am no longer allowing my boss' father to drive me crazy and make my work more difficult with his old school ways. We have a beautiful home, a healthy child (other than the psychological and emotional abuse his mother is subjecting him to), a wonderful relationship, great jobs, precious animals, healthy family and friends, and nothing to do but look forward to more good fortune and happiness.

I know things are going to work out for us in the end (in regards to our current custody/legal battles) because we ONLY have Dominic's best interests and development in mind. All she can think about is her relationship with her new husband. She has said before that her hatred for Kevin clouds her judgement, and that is where she is now. I try to remind myself what she went through as a child and that maybe she just can't help herself, but I won't make excuses for her any longer. This time, she has gone too far. After everything she has done to Kevin and I (I will NEVER go into it on here because it's just too humiliating), I can say from the bottom of my heart that I have never on one occasion done anything to hurt or harm her, her relationship with her son, his image of her, etc. I have actually advocated for her when her and Kevin would disagree and she would want him to make concessions and exceptions for her and give up more time or another weekend and tell him to just let her have it, that if you give, you will receive. Putting positive energy and vibes into the universe only returns such. She has maliciously and intentionally dedicated years of her life to hurting Kevin and I all because he didn't want to reconcile with her, and it will come back to her.

Ann Landers said, "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." I will not allow this for one more day. If she wants to live playing the constant victim, self-loathing, and suffering that's her path. I will not allow this woman into our world ever again. She can play her vindictive games and lie to the courts and everyone she knows, but she will be seen for what she is. This is karma, and it's coming our way. Positive for us.....