Is there ever a "good" time for major life changing surgery?

So, lot's to talk about since my last post. My body rejected the IVC Filter and I had to go back to Tampa General Hospital and have it removed through my jugular only 6 days after having it put in. I was in excruciating pain. It felt like someone was stabbing me in my kidneys and dragging knives through my back and abdomen. I could barely stand or walk on day 5 after the implant. This may be an overshare, a lot on this blog probably will be, but I was also having terrible diarrhea for 48 hours and it was not related to anything I had eaten. I have an extremely high tolerance for pain so I was masking it for awhile and trying not to make a big deal out of it. The next morning I got up and it was so bad I told Kevin and he basically made me call the hospital.

So I call TGH and tell her my symptoms and she said for me to come down immediately and have it removed. I began crying hysterically. Are you kidding me? That's literally what I said to the nurse on the phone. I JUST had this thing put in, I'm supposed to be healed after 5 days, and this is day 6. It was still early in the morning and I hadn't eaten anything so it was now, or live like this until that evening or the next morning. There was NO way I could wait an entire day like that. This was an emergency room situation. And when it comes to health related matters I tend to just push through it until it goes away. This is how I almost killed myself with an untreated bleeding ulcer, but that's a story for another day.

Kevin took the afternoon off work and we went straight to the hospital and had it taken out. The removal was much more painful than the insert. The pain was MUCH more tolerable than what I was dealing with from my body rejecting the implant. My amazing surgeon Dr. Anthony Moreno called to check up on me and talk to me about it. He said he thinks because I am so small, thin, and athletic, that it was probably pushing on a nerve and my body couldn't tolerate it. It's been a week now and I'm finally feeling 90% better. Tomorrow, my workout routine resumes!

I am most disappointed that I lost two weeks of exercising in preparation for my surgery. I want to be Sarah Jessica Parker ripped before I go into this and I'm proud to say that I am well on my way. I have been working out 5 days a week at least an hour and a half to two hours. An hour of Pilates/Yoga and major core strengthening exercises (modified of course for my scoliosis, see previous posts or my twitter) and at least 45 minutes of strength training/weight lifting. 5 pound weights only; I do have a severe back problem.

So it's literally three weeks from today until what I am calling "slice and dice time." Tact has never been my forte. Some may be offended by this terminology, but it's my surgery and if making jokes helps me cope then you'll have to deal. I would say I am about 75% ready. And I think that's as ready as I am ever going to be. I have been seeing my counselor every other week and I am kicking it up to once a week until the surgery. If you are going to have a major back surgery and have insurance and/or the opportunity to see a mental health counselor/therapist before your operation I highly recommend it. Dr. Moreno said it was a good idea as well. She has really been helping me calm down, not stress about things I can not control, not over thinking possible negative outcomes or complications, and also cope with the work and personal stress I'm dealing with on top of it.

In hindsight, for people in 2011 going forward if you have a severe scoliotic curvature and they recommend surgery for you in high school...do it. Obviously again I am not any type of doctor, therapist, or authority or giving medical advice to others. These are all my opinions based on personal experience. And personally, doing this as a teenage with far less responsibilities (no offense) would be so much less stressful.

I keep worrying about missing work, missing work, Kevin's work, Dominic, my friends and family taking time off of work and the burden I am going to be putting on them. What is my boss going to do without me (have a complete meltdown) and I'm thinking maybe I should postpone. Maybe I should wait a couple weeks, months, etc. STOP! Really...when is it ever a good time to have a major life altering surgery? Open heart triple bypass, brain surgery, tumor removal, 8-12 hour spinal reconstruction...the answer is NEVER! Who is ever fully prepared for something like this? No one.

I would be a fool if I wasn't nervous, scared, a little sick at times, petrified, stressed to the max, thinking of all the complications and things that could possibly go wrong. I am also very excited for the outcome. I know it is going to be a long road of recovery but again, I have a VERY high tolerance for pain and honestly I am not at all afraid or worried about the pain. Complications, loss of bladder/bowel control, having a stroke during surgery, neurological damage, losing feeling in my legs, my body rejecting the bone marrow from the cadaver or the metal. Those are my worries. And they just go on and on.

So what is the answer? Like Nike says, "Just Do It!" Like ripping off a band-aid or pulling a tooth. When I was a little girl and would get a loose tooth, I would wrap a napkin and just yank it out. The quicker the better. That's where I'm at now with my back surgery. I have been waiting for 12 years to find Dr. Moreno and I can not let this opportunity pass me by. Even now I am in unbelievable pain, wearing my tens unit, ice pack on lower back, heating pad on upper and situated just so on the bed so that the pain is as minimal as possible. I can't sit or stand for longer than 20 minutes. I can't wear a purse when I go shopping because it pinches a nerve in my hip and I can't walk. I can't shop over 45 minutes without having to take breaks and crouch down on the ground and bend over and kind of touch my toes but relax to stretch it all out and release the tension. When we go to theme parks, I have to crouch every time we stop while standing in a long line for a ride because my back pain from just STANDING is so excruciating. It's honestly humiliating. I always wonder what people think. They look at my strange and I don't think they know what to think. It makes me almost cry now from the frustration. The time to fix this is now.

There will never be an opportune time to have a major operation that will have me prisoner in my bed for months. With my career, Kevin's, Dominic, maintaining the house, family stuff, holidays, friend's and family's birthdays/graduations/weddings, tires blowing or OOPS needing a new starter, we will always have major stresses in our lives and something going on that could be a reason to postpone. I will not allow myself to make any more excuses.

I am ready to begin my road to recovery. I'm ready to have even shoulders, hips, quit padding one cup of my bra with $50 Victoria Secret inserts (that's what I meant about the over-sharing), altering my clothes for my deformity, grow 3 inches, sleep without pillows arranged around my body to prevent my hip from popping out of place, not being able to hug my boyfriend or his son or pick up my friends small children. I can't reach into my lower cupboards; I have to squat. I have to lift one leg up when bending over from standing straight if I drop something on the ground to pick it back up. I could sit here and come up with loads of reasons to postpone the surgery, but my body is screaming to do it now. I am ready for the new improved, practically non-Scoliotic Amanda. And I am only 20 days away! Wow!

Always With Karma,

Amanda